A little soggy

Yesterday I got a taste of what the future will bring and it is soggy. I was part of the volunteer crew that helped staff the local Color Run, a 5k race that benefited The Barbara Bush Children's Hospital. I was stationed at one of the water stops. There was torrential rain for the entirety of the race, so I was soaked to the bone within a few minutes of being there. I was out there in the rain for a good four hours. My hands looked like this -

It was a pretty uncomfortable experience, however, it wasn't as bad as it could have been.

Next summer, there will be no warm dry car to climb in. I keep hitting this point, but stop and really think about it. How much do you take for granted every day? You expect to be warm and dry and have someplace to sleep. I expect next summer for most of the trip to be mostly dry, but I'm sure there will be times of misery. And I'll have to work for most of them, which will make them that much more rewarding.

Control

I didn't post yesterday, mostly because I'm a big slacker. I kept thinking about it and then putting it off, and then it just didn't happen. It's okay to let things go once in a while as long as it doesn't become a habit.

This morning I'm thinking about the adversity of nature. I'm reading a great book on lightweight hiking by Ray Jardine, and he talks about our obsessive need to control our environment. We go to dinner and expect service will be good, food will be hot, etc. In our day to day lives, a lot of what we do is to keep or gain control over our environment. We mow our lawn, we clean the house, we turn on the air conditioner when it's hot, and the heat when it's cold.

Nature could give a shit about our need for control. Next summer, on the trail, I will have very little control over my environment. If it rains, I'm going to get wet and have to deal with it. If it's hot, I'm going to sweat. There won't be a house to go back to at the end of the day. One of the biggest lessons I'm going to have to learn is to roll with it. The control I will need to assert is my emotion, and my reaction to the world around me. I expect it will be a hard lesson, but one worth learning.

Sacrifice

One of the hardest lessons that I've ever had to learn is that life is unfair and doesn't owe us anything. I think a lot of people I've met and even some friends of mine have never really learned that lesson. It's very much a product of our culture. Every person is special and deserves to be happy. While I agree with the sentiment that everyone should be happy, the fundamental flaw with the sentiment lies in the fact that you must work for your happiness. A lot are content to sit back and wait for happiness to find them and it never does.

The charity work I've done and continue to pursue is not easy. My journey ahead will be the most difficult thing I've ever undertaken. But it will provide a sense of purpose, accomplishment and most of peace with a chaotic world. I will give back some happiness to the children and families that use the services of the Barbara Bush Children's Hospital. If I can make their darkest times just a little bit brighter, than the struggle and pain and sacrifice will be worth everything.

Eyes on the prize.

Work, work, work. The days blend together and I feel time slipping away. I think while the hike seems so far away, that it's going to be on top of me, glaring down at me before I know it. There's so much I need to do. It's easy to get dragged into the daily struggle, but I need to keep my eyes on the prize.

Dark wings, dark words

Rainy Tuesday, which is okay with me. The sound of rain is soothing, reminds of old memories. I can remember standing in the barn of the house I grew up in, watching a thunderstorm roll in and hearing the drumming of the rain on the roof. Rain pelting off the leaves of trees and bushes, creating a rustling song.

I had a rough night last night, not my first, definitely not my last. Lots of things going on in my head, thoughts you just can't shut off. Regrets. A lot of people tell me to not have regrets, but it's not easy to turn things off. I have so much to look forward to, things on the horizon. My undertaking is exciting but it is also scary. I'm afraid of failure. What if I can't pull it off?

I'm going to gamble on myself. I know that what I'm attempting is worth it. Wish me luck.

Back at it

No post yesterday, I was way too tired and had a bunch to do. My friends threw me an amazing surprise party the night before, for my 40th birthday. I had no idea and it was a complete shocker. Epic party, the coolest I've ever had, by far.

Back at it this morning though. Up early, just finished my stairs for the day. That was the first time in a few days and they hit me pretty hard. The trail has been a distant thought for a few days, with so much going on in my life. I need to regain my focus a bit. This week I'll be hitting some sponsors for gear donations. The BBCH has gotten me a letter stating that I am working with them. We'll see how it goes.

Late night.

Short, late post today. I was at a concert until 1am last night, it was an excellent show. In the back of my mind, I was thinking of all the things that I will miss next summer/fall. It'll be the people in my life mostly, but some events will come up I'm sure. I think it will be worth it. It will be an experience like nothing I've ever attempted. Soldier on!