I went for a walk for an old friend that I haven't seen in a very long time this morning. He just moved back from the West Coast with his wife and their 8 month old. It's been about 10 years since the last time I saw him, so it was really good to reconnect. We walked and talked for about 2 hours, and covered almost six and a half miles. That was definitely the longest I've done so far, and my legs are pretty shot right now.
Usually when I'm going to see someone that I haven't in a while, I get a little nervous. Good old social anxiety at its best. For some reason, I didn't experience that today. We just kind of fell into a conversation, and it was completely natural. It's funny how some people you can not see for such a long time, but you're able to pick up without an problems or awkwardness.
Finding people you can sync with is an important part of getting through this world. Good friendships can last a decade apart. Make sure you make an effort to reconnect when you can.
Sunday, September 27, 2015
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Cold mornings
It's been a week since my last post. I have no good excuse, just caught up in the perils of daily life. Been playing a lot of Destiny, which is an excellent PS4 game. Work continues to be mentally draining, which leads me to want to be lazy when I get home. Tonight I have a guild meeting for Extra Life, the charity that I work with to support The Barbara Bush Children's Hospital. I haven't been able to make the last couple, so this will be my first chance to talk to my guildmates about the Long Walk.
The weather has definitely turned from summer to fall in the span of just a few days. I've had to close the windows in the house when I get up in the morning. This is a welcome change, but it also makes me realize how important the decisions I make on gear are going to be for me. I will be carrying basically 3 sets of clothes, one-my regular hiking attire, two-comfortable clothes to change into when I'm camped, and three-my warm stuff. If my warm stuff isn't warm enough, I won't be a happy camper! I'm doing my best to meticulously research what combinations will work best.
One other step I've taken to prep is to put my motorcycle up for sale. I won't be riding it all for basically over a year and a half. It makes more sense to me to sell it when it's still worth something, and not be paying for something that I'm not using. When I get back, I can focus on getting my dad's bike back on the road, which is the ultimate goal anyway. So if you know anyone, here's the link at Cycletrader.com.
The weather has definitely turned from summer to fall in the span of just a few days. I've had to close the windows in the house when I get up in the morning. This is a welcome change, but it also makes me realize how important the decisions I make on gear are going to be for me. I will be carrying basically 3 sets of clothes, one-my regular hiking attire, two-comfortable clothes to change into when I'm camped, and three-my warm stuff. If my warm stuff isn't warm enough, I won't be a happy camper! I'm doing my best to meticulously research what combinations will work best.
One other step I've taken to prep is to put my motorcycle up for sale. I won't be riding it all for basically over a year and a half. It makes more sense to me to sell it when it's still worth something, and not be paying for something that I'm not using. When I get back, I can focus on getting my dad's bike back on the road, which is the ultimate goal anyway. So if you know anyone, here's the link at Cycletrader.com.
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
Trying
Some days it's hard to sit here with a blank page in front of me and know what to say. It's hard to find your voice sometimes, hard to know what to say, what to ask, how to help. But trying is the important part, trying to make things better, trying to be there for someone who needs it. You never know what they're going through. I spend a lot of time in my own head, wondering if what I'm doing is the right thing. Thinking, second guessing, worrying.
We are a unique species, our self-awareness is both a blessing and a curse. Our empathy can be a major factor in what kind of people we are. I've met people that have no empathy and they tend to be selfish or unaware of their impact on others. I tend to over-empathize, which can be paralyzing in some situations. I put my own needs and wants last, which can have a negative impact on my mental health.
While my trek is being used to raise money for Extra Life, it is something that I have chosen to do for myself. It's a dream that I've held in the back of my mind for a long time, and an opportunity for me to make a change in MY life and how I live it. I'm leaving a lot of things behind, including friends, family, and a job. I'd like to think these things will be waiting for me when I return, but some of them may not be. That's a chance that I understand and accept. I hope for a lot of things of positive things from this journey.
We are a unique species, our self-awareness is both a blessing and a curse. Our empathy can be a major factor in what kind of people we are. I've met people that have no empathy and they tend to be selfish or unaware of their impact on others. I tend to over-empathize, which can be paralyzing in some situations. I put my own needs and wants last, which can have a negative impact on my mental health.
While my trek is being used to raise money for Extra Life, it is something that I have chosen to do for myself. It's a dream that I've held in the back of my mind for a long time, and an opportunity for me to make a change in MY life and how I live it. I'm leaving a lot of things behind, including friends, family, and a job. I'd like to think these things will be waiting for me when I return, but some of them may not be. That's a chance that I understand and accept. I hope for a lot of things of positive things from this journey.
Saturday, September 12, 2015
I went for a walk
I went for a walk this morning with the new pack, trying to do two things - to break in the pack and more importantly, to break myself in to wearing it. I took the Sebago to the Sea trail, which is close to where I live. There's a number of side trails that spur off the main trail, so there's plenty to explore.
The pack felt good, it took some adjusting, but it rode well. Of course, there was nothing in it. Next summer, it should be in the 25-30lb range. As I get more miles under my belt, I'll start adding more weight. Walking through the tunnel of trees, it was quiet and peaceful. I went early, and I didn't run into anyone. Being out there felt natural and right.
It made me a little bit more sure of my decision. I still have doubts, I think that's natural. I had several people ask me last week if I was going to go through with it. I answered unequivocally yes. And going for my walk today, just made me that much more sure.
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Suicide Awareness Week
This post will not be a happy post, but it will be one that needs to be read. It will be a hard one to write and I'm sure it will be hard to read as well. But it will be honest. I hope you make it through and it helps you understand a bit better, and maybe you will be able to help someone you love.
It is Suicide Awareness Week, a fact I wasn't aware of until a few minutes ago. My sister-in-law shared a wonderful post on her Facebook page, which I shared. I also wanted to tell you the story of how suicide has affected my life. Most of you know that my father took his own life, June of last year. I wanted to tell his story. But first you should know that my father was not the first suicide that has affected me.
When I was in college, I was part of the RIT rowing team for a year, and I had a blast. It was a great team to be a part of and I got into the best shape of my entire life. I made a ton of friends, and part of my success was do to my coach, Margaret. She was an amazing, friendly, outgoing woman that encouraged us every day. Over the summer, I worked for her at the RIT library for a while, and then one day it all came to a crashing halt. I received a call from one of my teammates with the news that Margaret had taken her own life. I was blown away, uncomprehending. She had seemed so happy and engaged. We gathered together as a team, and all I saw around me were stunned looks and disbelief. We came to find out that Margaret had struggled with depression all her life. I struggled to understand, but I walked away from rowing. My teammates and I never really talked about it. It was too painful to be there without her.
Flash forward to almost twenty years later. The specifics may be something I get into another time, but suffice to say, my father had struggled for a very long time with depression. It was a battle I knew that he fought but it's one of those things that is emotionally charged and difficult to talk about. As a result, it was largely avoided. I asked how he was but I didn't know how to help him. I tried to make sure that he knew that I cared about him and loved him. Additionally, he had Hepatitis C, probably from sharing needles. It was a debilitating horrible disease that drained him away. He took part in experimental treatments that nearly killed him. They made it hard for him to think, to move, to eat, to do anything at all. He lost himself, who he was. It was hard to watch him go through this, so I withdrew. I only saw him rarely, and it was always painful. I will regret that for the rest of my life.
In my opinion, he pinned a lot of his hopes on the experimental treatments, and when they were through he was still not the same. His memory was gone, he couldn't remember how to do things that he had done a thousand times. He had always worked on cars, and now he couldn't remember how to change a tire. Depression was a raging beast that chased him every second of every day. He fought as much as he could but it wasn't enough. I don't know if I could have done anything to stop it. He was losing himself, and I don't blame him for what happened. I wish I had been able to spend more time with him, that I wasn't afraid of the pain it caused me to see him struggle.
When people ask about my father, it hurts to talk about. It's a hard thing to have to do, and there is stigma attached. There is shame, where there shouldn't be. Depression is so common, I guarantee there is someone in your life that faces it. They may hide it- but be watchful, be persistent and most of all-be there for them. Give them the strength they need to get the help they need. It's okay to be scared, but you must face that fear. Don't waste an opportunity, you may never get it again. I guarantee that you will be in far more pain when you look back on the wasted chances.
It is Suicide Awareness Week, a fact I wasn't aware of until a few minutes ago. My sister-in-law shared a wonderful post on her Facebook page, which I shared. I also wanted to tell you the story of how suicide has affected my life. Most of you know that my father took his own life, June of last year. I wanted to tell his story. But first you should know that my father was not the first suicide that has affected me.
When I was in college, I was part of the RIT rowing team for a year, and I had a blast. It was a great team to be a part of and I got into the best shape of my entire life. I made a ton of friends, and part of my success was do to my coach, Margaret. She was an amazing, friendly, outgoing woman that encouraged us every day. Over the summer, I worked for her at the RIT library for a while, and then one day it all came to a crashing halt. I received a call from one of my teammates with the news that Margaret had taken her own life. I was blown away, uncomprehending. She had seemed so happy and engaged. We gathered together as a team, and all I saw around me were stunned looks and disbelief. We came to find out that Margaret had struggled with depression all her life. I struggled to understand, but I walked away from rowing. My teammates and I never really talked about it. It was too painful to be there without her.
Flash forward to almost twenty years later. The specifics may be something I get into another time, but suffice to say, my father had struggled for a very long time with depression. It was a battle I knew that he fought but it's one of those things that is emotionally charged and difficult to talk about. As a result, it was largely avoided. I asked how he was but I didn't know how to help him. I tried to make sure that he knew that I cared about him and loved him. Additionally, he had Hepatitis C, probably from sharing needles. It was a debilitating horrible disease that drained him away. He took part in experimental treatments that nearly killed him. They made it hard for him to think, to move, to eat, to do anything at all. He lost himself, who he was. It was hard to watch him go through this, so I withdrew. I only saw him rarely, and it was always painful. I will regret that for the rest of my life.
In my opinion, he pinned a lot of his hopes on the experimental treatments, and when they were through he was still not the same. His memory was gone, he couldn't remember how to do things that he had done a thousand times. He had always worked on cars, and now he couldn't remember how to change a tire. Depression was a raging beast that chased him every second of every day. He fought as much as he could but it wasn't enough. I don't know if I could have done anything to stop it. He was losing himself, and I don't blame him for what happened. I wish I had been able to spend more time with him, that I wasn't afraid of the pain it caused me to see him struggle.
When people ask about my father, it hurts to talk about. It's a hard thing to have to do, and there is stigma attached. There is shame, where there shouldn't be. Depression is so common, I guarantee there is someone in your life that faces it. They may hide it- but be watchful, be persistent and most of all-be there for them. Give them the strength they need to get the help they need. It's okay to be scared, but you must face that fear. Don't waste an opportunity, you may never get it again. I guarantee that you will be in far more pain when you look back on the wasted chances.
Monday, September 7, 2015
Last days of summer
Labor Day weekend is almost over, the last hurrah of summer. Soon all the tourists will be heading home, leaving us natives in peace. Traffic will be reduced, and it will be easier to get around. Fall is just around the corner, my favorite time of year. I woke this morning reflecting on how different next summer will be.
Next summer, I won't be sleeping in a bed or watching TV, or driving my car. No motorcycle rides, no binge watching TV shows, no barbecues on my deck. No hanging out with friends, playing games. I am trading all those things for a change in my life. I will be walking every day, for miles. I will be sleeping under the stars. I have no idea what I'll be eating, but I'm sure it won't be extravagant. Everything I use will be in my backpack. I will meet new people and make new friends. It is going to be different than anything I have ever done.
Every day I get closer to my departure date. Every day is one step further in my journey. Time has a funny way of slipping past. I'm doing my best to make sure what time I have before I leave count.
Next summer, I won't be sleeping in a bed or watching TV, or driving my car. No motorcycle rides, no binge watching TV shows, no barbecues on my deck. No hanging out with friends, playing games. I am trading all those things for a change in my life. I will be walking every day, for miles. I will be sleeping under the stars. I have no idea what I'll be eating, but I'm sure it won't be extravagant. Everything I use will be in my backpack. I will meet new people and make new friends. It is going to be different than anything I have ever done.
Every day I get closer to my departure date. Every day is one step further in my journey. Time has a funny way of slipping past. I'm doing my best to make sure what time I have before I leave count.
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Sobering thoughts
In the midst of everything yesterday, I forgot to mention that I got the backpack that I'll be using for my hike. When I picked up the box, I was pretty shocked at how light it was. I picked it up used from a fellow blogger for Appalachian Trials, and it was in excellent shape. I shrugged it on and walked around my basement for a few moments with it on. Immediately, I realized that this would be something that I wore most likely every day for at least half a year. I kind of blew my mind for a while. This pack would be my most constant companion for 2,200 miles and a major turning point of my life. I better start getting used to it.
Another thing that I've been thinking a lot about is the second leg of my journey, where I'll be solo. There will be long periods of time with little to no human interaction. While kind of exhilarating, it is also a very sobering thought. I think I will be fine, but there will definitely be a loneliness to it. There will also be a change in me mentally. I will come out stronger and more at peace with myself than I have ever been. I've been looking for something all my life, something that means something, and perhaps this walk in the woods will help me find it.
Another thing that I've been thinking a lot about is the second leg of my journey, where I'll be solo. There will be long periods of time with little to no human interaction. While kind of exhilarating, it is also a very sobering thought. I think I will be fine, but there will definitely be a loneliness to it. There will also be a change in me mentally. I will come out stronger and more at peace with myself than I have ever been. I've been looking for something all my life, something that means something, and perhaps this walk in the woods will help me find it.
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