I'm back

No updates for the past few days, I was pretty much down for the count. I started coming down with it on Friday, but it hit me really hard Saturday night until well, actually I'm still feeling pretty crappy, but at least my throat isn't on fire. I basically laid on my couch from Saturday until I went to work this morning. Not fun at all.

Being that sick, it made me think about next summer of course. If I come down with something, it's going to be a rough go. The thought of being as sick as I was and being out in the woods is kind of a sobering thought. I'm sure something will happen, I'm just hoping to avoid the major sicknesses. Sniffles are one thing but I could barely eat because my throat hurt so much. There's going to be a lot to contend with next summer but I'll take things one day at a time. That's all you can do I think.

In the course of my reading yet another book on the AT, I've starting thinking about what my journey will change in my life. I think that I'll come back a different person than I left. I expect that I will be more in touch with who I really am and what is truly important in life. I've lost myself in my daily life. Maybe I can find me again on the trail. Get back something I gave up on.

Sick!

I'm on the verge of my first full weekend off in a while. I've been working Saturdays for the last 6-8 months or so and it was a drag. So what happens when I wake up this morning? Scratchy throat and a cough. At first, I thought maybe it was from sleeping with the A/C on but no, it's definitely a bug. That means a very exciting weekend, probably camped out on the couch.

Yesterday I had a road trip to outside Boston for work, it ended up being about a 11 hour day including travel. Despite the long day, it was still nice to travel a bit. I have another trip to NJ coming up in a week or so, and I'll be there for the whole week. We're going to be about an hour from NYC, so I'm hoping to get into the city to do some stuff at night. I've been to NYC a few times and it was pretty awesome. I really enjoyed being there and the energy of the city. It seems odd that I would like it that much, given how much I don't generally enjoy being around people, but I did. Maybe it's because, New Yorkers are pretty isolationist, so there are minimal interactions unless necessary.

I'm not holding out hope for a good weekend, but send the positive vibes my way!

Gear. Gear. Gear.

The past few nights my dreams and thoughts have been plagued by gear donation requests. I spent 2 hours yesterday morning and another hour and a half this morning researching companies and carefully crafting emails to them. Now I will start obsessively checking my email for responses. It's kind of my thing.

Here's the thing about gear for this type of adventure. It's EXPENSIVE. The lighter it is, the better it is. Every time I open a website and look at the gear, I freak out a bit. All I can see is dollar signs. Hence the haunted dreams. I'm really hoping that the fact that I'm using my hike to raise money for Extra Life will net me the attention of some of the gear companies. Many of them offer trail ambassador programs, in exchange for reviews, updates and photos from the trail. I should be good at that, right?

New job is good, it's interesting to be back at an old job. I believe I'm going to Boston tomorrow to a customer site, so that's kind of cool. The BAD part of the new job is that I'm going to bi-weekly pay and my first week is a pay week. That means no paycheck for another 2 weeks, which means I'm basically broke until 2 weeks from today. Puts a crimp in the old lifestyle.

New old job

Back to the grindstone today, started my new old job with a software company I worked for a year ago. It's a good change of pace, being out of the retail world. 

Last weekend was a whirlwind tour. I had a great time at my friends' wedding but the day went by too fast. Jeff and I went to REI and started browsing gear, which included getting fitted for backpacks. The staff at REI was great, really passionate and knowledgable in what they do. 

Look at this idiot. 

This is Jeff, my companion for the  northern half of the trail.

One of the things REI did was load up the packs with 25 lbs of weight, which is my goal weight including food. It was much heavier than I expected. I've got a lot of prep to do. 

The best part of the day was the wedding though, I got to spend some time with some great friends that I haven't seen in a long time. Sometimes, seeing people like that reminds you how lucky you are, and a little sad that such wonderful people can slip out of your life. So to Melodie and Tavis, congratulations again, I am so happy for you. And to Amanda, Kris, Jim, Kathie and Jeff- I am truly blessed to have spent the day with you, even if it was just for a fleeting day. 

Hitting the road. Again.

About to hit the road for the 2 hour drive to Pittsburgh. I'll be spending the day with my long time friend and future hike companion, Jeff. It will be the first time we've met face to face since we decided to tackle this long walk. I'm sure there will be a lot of discussion and planning. Or maybe not. We're both kind of procrastinators. 

Later today is the wedding. I'm a bit nervous as I imagine I'll see people that I haven't seen for years and years. Plus I always get nervous before social occasions, sometimes sick to my stomach. In the past I've let that stop me from interacting, but I'm really working hard to make myself get out there and not miss opportunities. Life is too damn short. 

People watching

I was up pre-dawn this morning. Four a.m. to be exact. I had a flight to catch at six, the first leg of my journey to Cleveland. I land in there at about noon and will spend the night at my parents. Tomorrow I'll be driving to Pittsburgh for a good friend of mine's wedding. I'm excited, I think I'll get to see a lot of people I haven't for a very long time. 

Right now, I'm on a layover in Baltimore. Every time I'm in a major airport, I'm reminded how many people there are out there. Most places in Maine are pretty uncrowded compared to some of the major airports. It makes me uncomfortable to be around this many people. 

One of the good things, though, is the people watching. It's easy to sit back and observe the masses pass by like flotsam on the raging river of arrivals, departures and gate changes. The confused and worried looks of travelers unsure of where to go or how to get there. I wonder where they're going and what's waiting for them when they get there. I wonder what their happiest moments were and how they match up to mine. Did their worst moment happen yet or is it still to come? Do they have someone try love more than any other, that they've never stopped loving no matter what?

People watching is fascinating to me. It lets me step outside the chaos in my brain and the emotions of my daily life. It reminds me that I'm not the only one in the world. 

I'm okay

On the subject of blogging, it is hard to do. My posts have gone down from a daily thing to semi-daily. Mostly because I'm not sure what to write about every day. It's difficult to come up with something to say, that isn't just a re-hash of something I've already said. And I don't want to bore my audience with recycled garbage. 

My life isn't terribly exciting, at least from the inside. I have my struggles, lately things have been tough. It's pretty cyclical for me. I have a bad stretch for a while where I get very introspective but eventually I snap out of it. I get a lot of people asking if I'm okay. Okay is a relative term, I guess. If I'm just okay that's usually pretty good for me. It's better than not okay. 

I have things to look forward to. Doing okay is attained one baby step at a time. A friend asked me what is too personal to put into a blog. I told her its relative. I'm not looking to share anything that is mean or will hurt anyone's feelings but not lying to myself is a huge point of my writing. It's cathartic for me to transcribe my worries into this form.  So don't worry-as long as I'm writing I'm doing okay. 

Leg up

I've been voraciously reading books on the subject of the Appalachian Trail, not really surprising I suppose. I tend to approach things that I've committed to with extensive investigation, I like to know what to expect. Most of what I'm reading is helpful and the biggest message is that most of the success for a thru-hiker is mental. Commitment is the biggest boon to have. I feel like I'm pretty well prepared there.

One of the other things I read just yesterday was that over three-quarters of thru-hikers are introverts by nature. That kind of surprised me at first, but then I thought about it. An introvert gets their energy internally from solitude and reflection. Being around other people drains them. What better place to draw on your internal strength than far from the world? I would imagine that an extrovert on the trail might feel exceedingly lonely, being removed from their circle. Just an interesting perspective that bears some thought. Being as introverted as I am, I guess I have a leg up.

Ups and downs

Monday, Monday, Monday. You always seem to come at the worst time. I had a good, but extremely hot day yesterday, over 90 degrees here in Maine, most of the day. My buddy Dave and I rode our motorcycles to Wolfeboro NH, about a 140 miles round trip. Being on the bike, helped keep me cooler, but when I got home it was too sticky to do anything but lay in my bedroom with the A/C on until I got bored enough to find somewhere cooler and more entertaining. Not going to be an option next summer.

I've been somewhat at odds with a friend of mine for the past week or so, which is disheartening. I hope we've resolved the issue, but it's tough to express an emotional response without being hurtful or accusatory. I am kind of a sensitive person, way too much for my own good most of the time, so I get hurt easily. I do my best to not fall victim to it, but it happens regardless.

I feel good today, despite all that's going on. I finish my tenure at my current job tomorrow, I have a few days off and then on to bigger and better things next week. Planning some hikes in my down time, nothing too crazy but still should be fun.

Sleep? Yeah, right.

Getting anything done without a good amount of sleep is challenging. I've not been sleeping well for the past few weeks and it catches up to me almost daily. With me, insomnia seems to come in cycles, where I'll not sleep well for a few weeks or a month, and then I'm okay for a bit. I wonder how this will affect me on the trail. I wonder if it will even be a problem on the trail? Will I, once I unplug from the stresses of my daily existence, just be able to sleep at the drop of a hat? That would be an interesting phenomenon, because it's been a number of years (well actually, most of my adult life) that I've had issues with sleep.

I'm working on a new post for Appalachian Trials. One of the challenges of writing for that site, is that I want to create interesting original content, and not just recycled bullshit. So coming up with topics can be challenging. I think I've got a good one going now, so I hope you'll check it out.

Back at it

Been a week since my last post, but it's been a bit hectic around here. That and I'm a big slacker, ha ha. I'll be getting back on track as of today. I had the whirlwind trip to Cleveland, the long drive back with my Mom, I was sick over the weekend, and then back to work yesterday. Lots and lots of things that just all kind of added up and overwhelmed me, to be honest.

One of the chronic things I deal with lately, is a sense of loneliness. I have a ton of friends and they're fun to hang out with. I have family visiting and it's great to see them and spend time with them. I live with my brother, which is also a good thing. But I haven't been in a serious relationship in a few years, and I really miss that intimacy of spending time with someone special. Talking about things, doing things together. At my age and with my personality (not the most outgoing), it's incredibly hard to meet women. The ones I have met and gone out with have not really been a good match for me. Most of the good ones are taken, as the saying goes! It's hard to not get down about it. Everyone says, "Oh, you'll meet someone, don't give up." Easier said than done.

Well enough of my moping. It's something I live with. I have exciting adventures ahead to occupy my mind. I'm in my last week of work where I'm at, and I start the new job the week after next. I'm looking forward to my trip to Pittsburgh for my friends' wedding. It will also be the first chance I have to sit down and talk to Jeff about our trip next summer. Hoping we can nail down some details and start planning a bit more. Time is slipping away, as it always does. And the stairs are looking at me again, wondering where I've been.

Ramble on

It's been a hectic couple of days, and that trend will be continuing. Lots going on in my daily life. I'm changing jobs the middle of this month, so I'm trying to tie things up at work. Yesterday was the 1 year mark since the passing of my Dad, so it was a bit of an emotional day. I did okay with it, not great, but better than I expected. Thanks to those who did their best to distract me. Later today, I'm jumping on a flight to Cleveland, to help my Mom drive here for vacation. While a 12-14 hour trip in the car isn't my favorite thing, I'm happy to help her out.

The trip continues to loom in my mind. I walked about 5 miles Monday night around Portland, and I was pretty tired. I'll be doing double to triple that on the trail, and it will be tougher walking. I really need to get my ass in gear.