Pre-dawn jitters

My eyes popped open at approximately 4 a.m. this morning. Not entirely out of the ordinary for me, but still. The first thought in my head was, "Did I really commit to this?" In that not quite awake yet haze, I thought for a second it had all been a dream. And then I moved one of my legs. Groaning, I realized how sore they were and what that meant. No dream, I had indeed started down this very long path.

I laid there and thought about all the things that would need to fall into place before next May. There's equipment lists, the logistics of getting food to the right places at the right times, saving enough money to be able to make the trip. How could I turn this into a benefit for the BBCH? What if something happens on the trail and I get injured? Would I be bored just walking for three months straight? Am I going to be able finish? All the negatives and what-ifs swirled through my head like a tornado. But I'm going to do it regardless of all the obstacles.

Sitting up took me a few minutes. It usually does. There's a lot of soreness and pain involved, which has been the case for quite a while. The past few years I've really neglected my health, and it's taken its toll. The soreness was different today though (well, there was additional soreness). Despite that, when I sat up and stood up to make myself a pot of coffee (Is that something, I'll have to give up? I hope not), I had a smile on my face.

There is something freeing in jumping towards a dream. It sheds some of the burden on your soul. As much work as this will be, I already see a better mental state (I'm probably in some sort of euphoric haze right now, which will come crashing down around my ears, but let me enjoy it while it lasts, please). I just finished my stairs for the day and the sun is shining. I'm going to play some games with some new friends. Every step I take is one closer to my goal, and that feels pretty damn good.