I am now just over seven weeks until I hit the trail. Work has been overwhelming lately - it feels like everything is conspiring against me maintaining my sanity until I'm done. Yesterday I put in a 19 hour day door to door, and I'm exhausted and drained. But here I am. I keep telling myself that it's almost over but each day is a slog through until the time I lay down to sleep - which has been particularly elusive lately.
I feel like I'm on the cusp of the biggest change of my life so far and it haunts me. I'm anxious all the time - as much as people tell me "Relax, it will be here before you know it" - it's not in my nature. I put forth the face of calmness, I do my best not to display anything but calm, but below the surface, I'm kind of a mess! I'm not a very positive person, my mind always turns to the worst possible outcome. I try to take positives from others but I don't seem to be able to alter my view of the world to go to them first.
I'm an emotional person- tempering my responses takes a lot of effort on my part, which I struggle to keep up with. Rationality is after the fact for me. I ride the emotions until they're done and then reflect afterwards.
This is an odd post, and for that I apologize. It's giving you a glimpse inside my head, which can be a scary thing! Blame it on lack of sleep.
No comments:
Post a Comment